I think I'm going to do this as a timeline of my 24hrs, regardless of how unoriginal it looks after Mark's post yesterday...
2000hrs, March 1st, 2004
Multiple international calls being made by me to various countries end frustratingly after exchanging only Hellos. Gnash teeth. Drop phone onto sofa. Phone bounces onto plate on floor. Plate bifurcates. Phone now has lingering smell of pesto.
0115(ish)hrs March 2nd, 2004
Anonymous housemate decides now is the time to do laundry. I take deep breaths, try to get back to sleep, calm myself, retain my chi, and attain oneness with the universe.
0125hrs March 2nd, 2004
Anonymous housemate realises the kitchen is a bit quiet and puts the washing machine back on.
0126hrs March 2nd, 2004
I explain to housemate, upon storming into the kitchen, that I am not happy with his choice of laundry hours.
0128hrs March 2nd, 2004
Back to bed. Look of fear and horror on housemate's face may not have entirely been down to my anger. Make note to pull on dressing gown before nocturnal kitchen-storming operations in future.
0230hrs March 2nd, 2004
Sleep.
0730hrs March 2nd, 2004
Leisurely awakening with plenty of time before having to leave for work. Make coffee. Contemplate beautiful, crisp sunny spring-like morning through kitchen window and decide that today will be wonderful.
0810hrs March 2nd, 2004
Halfway through the second verse of Kula Shaker's 'Shower Your Love On Me' whilst happily bopping in the shower, a frenzied thumping is heard at the door. Grab dressing gown and proceed drippingly down the stairs. Open door. Realise that beautiful spring-like day is in fact Evil Bastard Winter in disguise. Two bits of recorded post to sign for, postman takes his time over whether or not to let me sign for both. Watery legs begin to freeze over. Feet freeze to floor. Crackling sound as ice works steadily up legs. Return to shower. Thaw.
0820hrs March 2nd, 2004
Read my bit of post while getting dressed. Online ticket company appear to have over charged me by £200. Get angry. Very angry. Determine that I must get to office ASAP to call and shout at these people. Frenzied departure from house results in grabbing cash but not wallet.
0900hrs March 2nd, 2004
Get put on hold by automated calling system. Use time to draft out speech/bellow.
0922hrs March 2nd, 2004
Blog about situation. Get taken off hold upon hitting 'Publish'.
0930hrs March 2nd, 2004
Sort out situation. Feel relieved. Begin replacement passport application. Should be simple. Friend did it a year or so ago. Very quick. Enclose damaged passport, say sorry, get new one.
0945hrs March 2nd, 2004
Panic. Fill in forms at approximately 245mph, realise that I need everything that I would for a standard passport application, plus a form from the post office. Go to Post Office. Post Office does not have form. Panic again. Babble incoherently at clerk. Clerk informs me that I do not need form. Return to office. Realise with dread that I will need new photos.
1000hrs March 2nd, 2004
Go to Asda to use the Photobooth. Find old man swearing and kicking the machine before walking away scowling. Panic. Machine works perfectly, apart from the fact that I am too tall for the camera. Slouch. Look like Baron Greenback in new passport photos. Return to office to fill in final payment form.
1155hrs March 2nd, 2004
After two hours of frenzied work, erupt out of the office to go back to the house to get the wallet I left there this morning. See three of the type of bus I need go by from five minutes' walk away from bus stop. People begin to stare as a guy in a suit goes from a standing start to Linford Christie-like speeds. Catch third bus of three. Scare old lady on bus with heavy breathing.
1230hrs March 2nd, 2004
Return to office, fill in form, head to Post Office. Lunchtime queue in full effect; Grannies, single Mums, bored people... Post forms on 2 week guaranteed Super-Duper-Uber Service. Relax.
1239hrs March 2nd, 2004
Slip over on muddy mound outside Post Office.
1345hrs March 2nd, 2004
Feel better. Blog about it.
That was no muddy mound. I was trying to catch some Zees there when you go and decide to stand on me.
Cheers. no, thanks a lot.
Funny, never thought of you as a suit wearer. Mind you, i'm not really sure how I pictured you, beyond being half a head at the top of the page...
There is a lot more of me. A body, legs and everything. Oh, and arms. And the rest of my face.
It must have been odd, imagining the top half of my head snail-trailing around Hatfield...
:-)
Oh, and Wild: It's your own fault for trying to get some shut-eye in a public space after your lunchtime mud-wrestle.
"your lunchtime mud-wrestle."
What can I say? Its an exhausting hobby. It takes it out of me. I'm beginning to think I'm getting too old for that game.
Really, your misfortunes are amusing and entertaining. I hope you have a bad day tomorrow, too.
Depsite the unforuntatness (err.. yess) am very amused. Good on ya.
Dude, I hope she's worth it.
Mr. D, if you are referring to the good lady New York herself, then I have it on good authority that yes, she is.
If not, you should go and sit in the corner with a hat with your name on it and think about what you've done. I'm sure the teacher will have eased off enough to let you play with the other children by breaktime.