Roast Coffee

As well you know, everything in The Coffee Shop of Your Very Dreams is free. We expressly DO NOT take money. But today, the coins we will be refusing to take are cistercii...

The horses of the Roman Cavalry can be heard carrying out exercises beyond the city walls, on the plain by the sea. The polished wooden floor of the Café has been replaced by the most fashionable mosaic, and whilst of course we like to savour the best of the local cuisine, for some reason we always bring a healthy stock of muffins. Help yourselves!

Now coffee is more or less unknown in these parts, but most of you appear to be getting bored with just coffee for your Mondays, and Green Fairy appears to have gone native, even to the point of bringing a large barrel of grapes to plod about in.

Pale irregular cobbles and cart ruts outside...we've had a few curious locals, but I've just slipped them a free muffin and told them to go on their way. Thankfully the phrase I used has no meaning in Latin...well...let's hope not.

Anyway...preparations, preparations...one sack of finest coffee, Arabia beans, Brasilian (from the future, obviously) the produce of Green Fairy's barrel, some cocoa beans, half a bag of sugar, some marshmallows, another barrel-full; of white grapes this time, half a bottle of Jameson's Irish Whiskey, some dried tea leaves, half a jar of vanilla pods, and a small hive of honeybees.

Ri-ight. Should be it. Ear defenders in, people, it's time to push the only button on the Ultimate Coffee Machine.

WELL IT'S A LITTLE BIT LOUDER THAN NORMAL TODAY, DON'T YOU THINK? REALLY SHAKING THE FLOOR! WHOOPS! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT GLASS, DAVE. I MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE THE ULTIMATE COFFEE MACHINE IN AND GET IT SERVICED. I MEAN, IT'S NOT AS THOUGH IT CAN CHURN OUT ALL THESE DRINKS WEEK IN AND WEEK OUT, CHANGING SHAPE AND ALL THAT BUSINESS, WITHOUT A BIT OF WEAR AND TEAR...I THINK IT'S STILL UNDER GUARANTEE...ah that's better. All done, all drinks ready.

Hmmm. Can anyone else hear that? No. Ringing in my ears, maybe. My imagination.

First up with drinks we have a single espresso for Dave, a double Irish espresson for newcomer Anna, welcome, welcome, grab a muffin and a sofa...a hefty-lookin' mug of the black steamy stuff for Gordon and another espresso for Porny Boy as well as a bucketload of sympathy for his deceased washing machine. Almost-birthday boy Adrian gets a tall skinny cappuccino, and that, I believe, is all the coffees out of the way. Enjoy!

Hmm. Is it my own rather exuberant coffee intake or is the floor shaking?

Nah.
Um.
Nah.

Okay, for the alcofrolics amongst us we have Valpolicella, Frascati Superiore, Red wine with honey, and simply 'Red Wine'...here ya go, Karen, Mr. Skerett, Miss Fairy, and Hanni.

Can someone tell those people pounding on the door to bog off please? They can't have any more muffins. No matter how loud they shout. There's a difference between benificience and being taken advantage of. What does 'Vesuvio' mean, anyway? Bloody Romans.

In the 'other' category, we have Shmeder's hot chocolate with marshmallows (they're hard to come by in the 1st century, you know), Shiv's Vanilla Steamer, and last but by no means least, Wild gets a wonderful cup of tea, and a paper I bought off a chap outside only this morning. It's in Latin, but I'm sure that won't trouble such a classically educated man as yourself-

One...copy...of...The...Pompeii...Times...

...

...

Oh ARSE.
We're out of here...back to the 21st century post haste...no faster than the post. And if anyone mentions the phrase 'corporate responsibility' they'll be hearing from my lawyers.

Enjoy your drinks...