Schizophrenia

Blogging Stuart: Well hello and welcome back to The Autoblography, and I'm sat here feeling a little bored so I think I'll write some stuff...

Writing Stuart: Ah, hang on there buddy old pal, where's your sense of pride?

Blogging Stuart: Er, what?

Writing Stuart: Your sense of pride! There are a fair few people out there now who occasionally pop by, and you owe something better than what you spew out each morning waiting for the kettle to boil in the office kitchen, don't you think?

Blogging Stuart: Ah - no, you see, I covered that a while ago - I can blog about whatever the hell I like; weasel coffee...toilet paper...anything!

(embarrassing pause)

Blogging Stuart: What?

Writing Stuart: You know I wrote that.

Blogging Stuart: So? It's the same site. We share it pretty amicably. What's the big deal?

Writing Stuart: Oh, I don't know. I just feel...neglected. You get so much more time and space on it, and you've got this New York thing coming up...

Blogging Stuart: Well that is kind of the point. It's our life as we go along, not your great epic swathes of bumpfy material which is a bit up it's own arse...

Writing Stuart: Oh so that's what you think of it! After all this time, and the truth is finally coming out now, isn't it? Oh, brilliant. Here was I, the sleeping partner in this sordid little arrangement where we broadcast the mundanity of our existence to the world, and all I wanted to do was to create something special, something beyond the ordinary, and you were sitting there, all that time, thinking that my stuff was bumpf, that it was up it's own arse! I don't believe this. I'm not sure this can be happening. I think I'm hyperventilating.

Blogging Stuart: Easy there, easy. Calm down. It's all right, just relax.

Writing Stuart: How can I! My very existence is a sham!

Blogging Stuart: No it isn't. Everyone knows that you're working hard behind the scenes.

Writing Stuart: Well I'm not. You know that. I never get to write any more. Not for a few months, anyway.

Blogging Stuart: Well, that's not all my fault.

Playstation 2 Stuart: I know you're talking about me behind my back.

Writing Stuart: Oh, shut up. I just, I don't know, I just need some time, you know? Something to call my own. I need to get to work on this Summer Project, edit some of the old stuff that we found yesterday that really isn't that bad, and maybe...maybe you need to take a break.

Blogging Stuart: All right. Okay. Just...just calm down. Whatever you say. I need to keep going, but maybe we could put up some of your shorter stuff, some of the interjections from the first novel? You were quite proud of those, weren't you. And you know we've got some younger readers, so maybe some of the Guide To University Project could go up...that would be nice, wouldn't it?

Writing Stuart: 's.

Blogging Stuart: And then we can look at the summer project, you know, together.

Writing Stuart: You're not just saying that?

Blogging Stuart: Come on. We'll start tomorrow.