The Monday Stuart Made Things Fall To Bits
Okay, so maybe not so devastating or worthy of cinematic immortalisation as The Day The Earth Stood Still, which was slightly more interesting and involved aliens, but this is England, after all.
Things are smaller here.
And probably quaint.
Things that I have made fall to bits so far today:
1 fire alarm (thankfully repaired)
1 mobile telephone (mine, still in bits)
1 work reputation (mine, also still in bits)
The fire alarm you know about. The mobile...damnit, I treat my mobile like crap. I fidget with it. Twizzle it. Throw it up in the air and catch it again (most times. I catch it most times). Today it leapt involuntarily from my hands and sprayed bits over the cobbles in Hatfield Marketplace. I think I'm going to need to get all Engineering On It's Ass.
You see, the big secret is that all this electronics stuff is really easy.
I once fixed a calculator with a small square of carpet tile and a pen lid.
And I'm not making this up.
I have a degree.
I have sellotape.
I can do this.
The Work Reputation...well...that's annoying. I worked the weekend we have just had. I worked hard to get together a massive piece of work.
Only it brings bad news.
So I am crap by association.
So, what else can I, using my new found powers, cause to disintegrate?
The day is yet young.
the atlantic ocean! and all the plate-techtonicky bits underneath it! just wave your hand sternly at it, menace it with some duct tape, and it'll just *poof* vanish so i can pop over from manhattan to hatfield and say hello.
...while the cities melt and volcanoes erupt, the peoples of the world scream in fear and earth adjusts to being about 1/3rd smaller than it was before and making sure that the new crust size isn't too tight under the arms?
No darling.
For the sake of the six billion other people in the world, we must wait.
Le sigh.
First of all, let me just say that it still feels tremendously nice to type in my new URL. I don't think that'll be wearing off for a while. Secondly, the word "sellotape" makes me giggle. And thirdly, why can't you just whip up a wormhole or something? I only bring it up because K is too disdainful of Things Sci-Fi to mention it, but I bet she'd find it tremendously useful, and then if I ever foolishly tried to explain some esoteric Star Trek plot to her, I could just say "It's like that thing? You know. That just popped you through to Hatfield? That didn't kill people?" It'd be lovely.