Weight

There is absolutely no reason for me to post now. There is nothing on my mind that I can truly vocalise, nothing in heart that I can truly share, nothing in the round of my day to day life that could possibly illuminate or change what you're up to right now or how you are feeling.

I am feeling heavy.

And there's quite possibly only one person in the world who will know what that means right now, in my context, in my life, in my day, but I am.

If you have ever held something too heavy for you, and felt that wobbling strain of your muscles which means something somewhere has to give, and soon, then know that right now, I am coasting toward a feeling which reminds me strongly of that.

This weight does not bear me down, it does not repress me, it does not crush me...it pulls and pulls and tugs and pulls and I ache to give in to it and let myself go with it, but the short path to the source of this force is difficult and fraught with obstacles. I must bear this pull, brace myself against every bittersweet second of it and let time pass me by and as it goes I know there will be a time when I can blissfully and happily stop resisting this irrepressible force and move freely and with ease...

I want it to be now, it could be now.
I could stand up this second, pull on my coat, and walk out of this building, and inside of a day the pull would be gone.
Instead I sit, and type and work and plan and...feel.
It's still there.
There is somewhere else I need to be.
And it pulls.