The Coffee Shop of your Very Dreams Presents ... an American in Britain

Hi, Krissa here, bet you were expecting Stuart, eh? Well, it's a package deal, this Auto-Hiboux-aphy thing we've got going here. Without further ado, welcome to... the Rule Britannia Coffee Shop! Run, jarringly, by a Yankee.

Perhaps when Brits think of Britain, they have complex memories and interpretations of their homeland. Me, i think, "Royalty and High Tea!" So what better way to celebrate old Blighty in its hour of need than a room full of unnecessarily Titled People drinking coffee and tea straight from the Colonies, hrm?

For instance, over here? Countess Anna and D, the Count of Mister chat discreetly about their manors over a coffee frescato and a demi-tasse of Kenya's finest roast.

And is that the strapping Sir Sevitz over there, tall black coffee in hand as he effortlessly charms the Lady Green Fairy and her iced lolly?

Of course, the Crowns of Pix take no notice - the Duchess of Pixie daintily sips a mint tea as she regales her distant royal cousin Mistress Diva of Pixelia with tales of Moroccan high jinx. Careful with that iced mocha valencia, the chocolate-covered whipped cream was lashed repeatedly and might lash back.

Quoi, messieur? Oh dear, a frenchman has wandered into our midst. well, Duc Gordon de McLean, perhaps our coffee won't live up to your continental... standards... but i can offer you a cup of chocolat chaud if you'll make nice with les Anglais?

What are those trumpets i'm hearing? Oh, the showy American cousins, they do love a parade. But a bottle of wine? Really? Well, i suppose nothing's too good for Biscuit, the King of Fulminous. And his trusty red-headed ninja, Princess of Punk, Shivery of Timberia? I'll get her a mocha. peppermint. iced. double. This ninja is too hardcore to need any extra words.

Who's our last customer, dashing in with thirty piles of complex math thingies in his arms just as I prop up my tired yankee feet on the counter and suck down an iced americano? Oh! It's my darling prince, the union jack to my stars and stripes! He gratefully takes the double espresso latte from my hands and buries his nose in paperwork, not even noticing the THRONGS of ROYALS in his coffee shop.

Honestly. Why even put on a crown these days? Oh, right, for the free coffee and tea. Well, drink up, brave nobles!