Stuart enters stage left with a stagger, turns lock on bathroom door round and round pointlessly a few times as the lock broke ages ago, and walks towards the mirror, situated stage right, next to the bath.
Mirror: Good Morning! How are we this bright, breezy, gorgeous first of July?
[pause]
Mirror: Good Gods! What the hell happened to you? You look like shit!
[pause]
Mirror: You're not awake yet, are you. You misguided fool. I keep saying you should get more sleep. What was it last night? These...video...games I keep hearing about?
Stuart: graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahikruhfiurhfnrno. [rubs face]
Mirror: Hmmm. I don't believe you....arg arg argh, no! Don't do that. Eeeewwwww. Now your hair is all over the place. Jeesus! You really need a haircut buddy. And a shave. How many days growth is that? I thought you were meant to be a professional now, hmm? I mean, it doesn't help that you're a naturally hirsute bastard, but seriously. Cut the stuff sometimes.
Stuart: brpftbpfbtkjhfiufhraaaaahh...shut up.
Mirror: And those bags under your eyes? How late was it last night?
Stuart: Only one. [splashes face]
Mirror: Only one! Only one he says! What would your poor Mother say if she knew you were going to bed at one in the morning in the middle of your working week? Hmm? And on a beautiful day like today when you should be laughing and singing and enjoying the summer, you look like crap!
Stuart: Shut up. [applies foam to face]
Mirror: You're not going to try and shave! In your state? You'll be a mass of cuts! Look look look. I won't let you do it. I'll steam up in protest. Hah. It's for your own safety.
[Stuart wipes Mirror and commences to shave]
Mirror: Well don't say I didn't warn you.
Stuart: You're really irritating, you know that?
Mirror: Don't look at me. You're the one responsible for your state this morning.
Stuart: I'm not in a state this morning. I'm just tired. There. I feel better for shaving. My face feels all minty. [Looks down]
Mirror: It was the toothpaste, wasn't it.
Stuart: Shut the fuck up, okay?
I thought you were talking about being interviewed by the paper initially ...
hehe .... the old toothpaste-come-shaving foam trick ...
Oh hon, everyday seems to be like that for me...except for the shaving bit (honest).
Hey, have you been watching me on secret CCTV again? It's all so familiar...
now i'm a bit nervous to meet this mirror, it must be said. can only imagine the tirade it could launch at my morning curls (see: medusa).
Nice :-)
My mirror ignores me these days.
I have that same conversation with my mirror at LEAST once a week. Usually Mondays. Oh, and usually it's shaving cream for toothpaste. Sometimes hand lotion. Whichever is closer to harm's way at the time...
The real question is: what were you playing?
i dream of going to bed at one in the morning.
and shaving.
It could be worse: My shaving foam is minty. Imagine getting that the wrong way round...