A Bit About You...

Here's what I've found out about you lot from the Autoblography Quizzette.

Q1. Some of you think a trained squirrel could serve coffee. Fine! YOU run the CSOYVD!

Q2. Some of you think I have climbed Everest. I suspect these would be the people who have yet to meet me. Some of you think there is a mountain called Harramey. I made that up.

Q3. Lots of you like Douglas Adams. I'm chuffed about that. Unfortunately fewer of you have read the mathematical treatise I did on Bob Dylan's 'Blowin' in the Wind'.

Q4. Some of you are good guessers; I think I've only mentioned the Hemingway/Autoblography birthday thing once.

Q5. Some of you think it took me six months to propose - I suspect these would be the people have yet to meet Krissa.

Q6. Some of you rightly feel that Jarvis is a better name for a Venus Flytrap than Victoria. This shows that you have great taste, and I wish I'd thought of it when I bought the plant.

Q7. Reg is constantly confused about which Island I come from. That'll be the Isle of Wight, Reg.

Q8. Most of you aren't sure who Zippy and George, Sonia or Keith Chegwin are. Therefore most of you are American. However, some of you also believe that I've previously worked with Bill Clinton. I'm not quite sure what this means.

Q9. Some of you believe that I would push a peanut into someone's ear as a means of getting to know them. This has until now not been the case, but I shall begin to carry peanuts with me at all times as a matter of course, just in case I meet any of you lot.

Q10. Some of you can tell the truth when you see it, regardless of whether you know or not. None of you think I was offered the Crown of Spain. This demonstrates that you have no confidence in me whatsoever as a sovereign state ruler.

Here's the score card for yesterday's quiz:

10 points - You are surprised to be asked questions on seemingly nonsensical things about which you know very little. You may have arrived here through google, looking for Stuart Little pictures, and gone with the flow, or done the quiz at 100mph. Either way, you feel proud that you beat the laws of averages and got below 25%. All of the above is wrong. Your name is Jake.

20 points - The questions were tangential to the norm, asking bizarre and obscure questions about things which quite frankly you don't care about all that much, but some of the options were marginally funny, so you don't feel like you've wasted your life. You know at least one thing about this Stuart chap, and you might come back to see if you've won the prize.

30 points - Beating the 25% law of averages thingy shows that you have a rudimentary knowledge of Stuart and the Autoblography. However, because your names are Sophie and Reader, Stuart has absolutely no knowledge of you. Comment once in a while, huh? Y'all come back now.

40 points - You jumped on the questions you knew and you demolished them mercilessly. You feel some of the questions were unfair, as they were before your time or on obscure things Stuart doesn't write about very often. You've never met him. Perhaps your bad-breathed cat leapt on the keyboard at the wrong moment, you were distracted by a bike ad in a nearby newpaper, you were wondering about doing your own quiz, or something like that. It's okay. Well done.

50 points - Unless your name is Ann, you've never met Stuart either. You should feel good about your score - some of those questions! Honestly. You demonstrate a level of knowledge on Stuart and the Autoblography which would get you a pass if such a qualification existed, so pat yourself on the back. YOu feel that you could have got a couple more if only you'd revised, or had Stuart's Archives or Google open when doing the quiz. How very true.

60 points - This is the point at which Stuart starts to get a bit worried, especially if he doesn't know who you are. You are an Autoblography regular, or you had Google / Backblog open whilst doing the quiz. It's okay. It's not an exam, you cheat. You feel that the best seats in the Coffee Shop Of Your Very Dreams should be yours, and of course you are right. You demonstrate a level of knowledge which shows you are sharp of mind, quick of wit, and have a memory which recalls the obscure details of someone else's life before it remembers where it left the housekeys. Congratulations.

70 points - Congratulations! If there was an Autoblography Degree, you would have recieved first class honours. You've either read the Autoblography from comparatively early on because Stuart knew your boyfriend at university, or you happened along quite cheerfully from another site, and are very lucky.

80 points - The créme de la créme! Readers of distinction! Your Autoblography knowledge could take you to Postgraduate level with ease, or you could make a killing on Mastermind, if only they gave out decent prizes instead of a stupid glass bowl. It is a lucky quirk of the Alphabet that a young lady named krissa tops the leaderboard, as the small prize is that the overall winner, deemed by me to be the person who is top of the table at 1130am BST on Thursday the 12th of August, will be married by me before the end of the year.

Thank you all for taking part!