Stuart's Guide to Hatfield #5: The Rest of Hatfield

| | Comments (0)

Pubs
Plentiful. Not always of assured quality. The Guide recommends 'The Horse and Groom' in Old Hatfield, 'Mai Tai' in the Galleria flying walkway, and, for real budget drinking where quality is not an issue, 'The Cat and Fiddle' behind the Galleria, or, if you're really broke and not too bothered about fighting/being bottled, 'Indigo' on the Marketplace.

Supermarkets
If you need help finding a supermarket in Hatfield, then in all probability you are blind. If you are in Hatfield, and you are reading this, and you are blind, and you need to get to a supermarket, simply stay where you are. Sit very very still and let the Laws of Gravity take you, in the fullness of time, to Asda.

Places to Stay
If you are in the unfortunate circumstance of having to visit Hatfield temporarily, then you'll know that there are places to stay. You're already using the internet with some degree of success or you wouldn't be reading this. Go on, bugger off and use yell.com or something else equally official.

Flora and Fauna
Hatfield is unique amongst all of the places that this Guide's author has lived in being a natural habitat for fauna usually and mistakenly assumed by the general populace to be inanimate objects. Burnt out cars, for one, can be found freely in the woods to the immediate south, but never in the same place twice, proving that they are, in fact, mobile, and after just over a year in Hatfield, this weekend this Chronicler was treated to the wondrous sight of a vacuum cleaner in a tree; the first time he had seen one in the wild.

Employment Opportunities
The McDonald's Restaurant in the Galleria recruits so constantly that there is a permanent sign in the window which lights up whenever they are short staffed. The large number of discount stores in the Galleria can also be exploited for temporary employment, as can some of the less reputable bars and pubs, as staff frequently take time off to heal.

Hatfield Garden Village and Old Hatfield
The former is a relatively modern housing area with nice, clean, solid properties with elegant lines and expensive cars parked outside. For this reason, envious driving instructors often take their wards up here for their first lessons. Old Hatfield is an old, part-Tudor, part-Victorian, part-Edwardian, part-Elizabethan section of the current town with old, clean, rickety properties with slanting lines and expensive cars parked outside. It covers the slopes of the hill up to Hatfield House.

Hilltop
Hilltop is the area around the, uh, well, the top of the hill, on Bishop's Rise - the main road running from Hatfield town through the housing estates to South Hatfield. Hilltop is blessed with a small shopping parade; 'South Hatfield Shopping Centre'. It includes, for no good reason, two electrical goods shops (the kind which both buy AND sell), three charity shops, a chinese (the 'Happy Valely' [sic]), an Indian, a Caribbean store, and 'One Stop' a chain store whose prices are simultaneously cheaper than everywhere else and at the same time 50% more expensive, handily demonstrating a real-world analogy to the wave-particle duality problem which has vexed quantum physicists for so long.

Emergency Exits
Are situated here, here and here...

Leave a comment

Twitter

    Follow me at twitter

    Flickr

    www.flickr.com
    This is a Flickr badge showing public photos and videos from Kidsturk. Make your own badge here.

    Creative Commons License
    This weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
    Powered by Movable Type 4.21-en

    May 2012

    Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1 2 3 4 5
    6 7 8 9 10 11 12
    13 14 15 16 17 18 19
    20 21 22 23 24 25 26
    27 28 29 30 31    

    Monthly Archives