Dear Sirs and Madams,
Whilst there has not been any specific advertisement for hired help or a definite vacancy, I'm writing to you in the hope that you might require someone of my abilities and expertise. I currently stuck in a rut with regard to my status of employment - my three year Bachelor's degree is roughly equivalent to the US four year Bachelor's, but few employers seem to appreciate this. In the past few years I have grown in stature in the arena I would prefer to be employed; I have begun to cover a greater area, reading more and more, commenting widely, enjoying it all to the last letter.
My own writing has been intermittent, I admit, but I feel with the application of a full working week and the not insignificant resources of my new coffee machine, which has a preset mode, enabling me to start first thing in the morning with no delays, I could really make a larger and more productive contribution.
I would like to propose renumeration based on a system of performance related pay. There might be days when I can't access the Internet, and I feel it only fair that you stop paying me on those days.
I present a portfolio of relevant work in electronic form to accompany this application - please find it backdated from this entry.
I would be extremely grateful if you could send me any details you might have about your policies on working under the influence of alcohol; this is an informal business, and without wanting to compromise my professional work ethic, many people find posts written after an evening of beer to be highly gratifying.
I hereby register my desire to be considered an applicant for the position of the World's first Professional Blog Reader/Writer.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you in advance for your time and consideration in this matter, and I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Faithfully,
Stuart
PS Caption Competition Results to come soon.
C'mere you. There's a six pack in my fridge. :)
now, would you prefer that in case form or keg form? i have both, you know :P
Sir,
Further to your correspondence of 08/12, or 12/08 as you may now be calling it, I would be delighted to offer you the post of blog writer/reader.
I would be happy to pay you, commensurate to your experience, in the form of referrals from my blog. You would also receive a free link somewhere near the top of my blogroll. Rest assured that the fact that 'Autoblography' would come near the top of my alphabetised blogroll anyway is mere coincidence.
Blogging whilst mildy pissed is not frowned upon, and is in fact encouraged.
Yours etc.
Jez
*grin*
One day you may look back on these employment quests and laugh. Drunkenly, yes, but laughing all the same. I know there's the little matter of money, but still...enjoy the freedom for a while. It's rare. You know?
Oh, and yes there's beer in the fridge here, too. Help yourself.
Mr. B,
You've plagiarized the cover letter accompanying my resumes to job postings on Monster.com! Good work, my friend. Let me know how it goes.
W.
Which do you prefer? German, Mexican, good ol' watery american beer, or a nice fullbodies microbrewed?