Everyone is balanced precariously on the rims of their seats as, in the darkness, a hush steals over the audience and continues down amongst the seats and steals their wallets and purses for good measure because once hushes start stealing they can be a real pain in the arse to stop.
But the audience doesn't care.
After a few complaints to the manager about how the seats don't fold down properly, everyone sits fidgeting silently in the gloom, eyeing their competitors with slitty hating glances until they share eye contact and everyone is smiles and deference. In the background a hush is read its rights. It's just your average awards ceremony.
Ladies and Gentlepersons, it is time again (a collective breath from the audience) to announce the winner of last week's Autoblography Caption Competition!
The competition was intense, with over 26 entries from around the globe, and many competitors coming up with multiple captions to try and kick their rivals into touch. But the time has come, as many a walrus will tell you, for the winner to be announced...
"In the case that your erection lasts more than four hours,
you should consult a doctor immediately, otherwise
the prescriptive effects might start to spead to other parts of the body."
So a big well-done to She-Dork and a round of applause, please, as she takes the mantle from John for the rest of the week...as she takes the...mantle...John, give her the mantle...JOHN! Thank you. That wasn't so hard now, was it?
And on with the next one!
Here is the picture which welcomes your creative input this week..we desire...a...a..a CAPTION!