One Liners

My current job leaves me, at the end of the day, with a crook neck and a headache.
There is nothing I can do about this, except maybe for wearing sunglasses.
I will not wear sunglasses in my current job.
That would look weird.
Speaking of weird, last night I dreamt I was wandering in the tomb of one 'Ulug Beg'.
It was very impressive.
This is very weird.
I am madly in love with my wife and becoming more so by the day.
Earlier this evening I saw a bald man.
He had a North London accent.
He was wearing a West Bromwich Albion football shirt.
He was in our local liquor store, buying champagne.
He seemed very fussy, in his North London accented way.
This part of Queens is mine to be British and Foreign in.
Interlopers will be greeted with a stern frown.
From behind the red-wine-for-ten-dollars-and-under rack.

8 Comments

By Olly on April 6, 2005 6:49 AM

Are you local?

WE DIDN'T BURN HIM!!!

By Karen on April 6, 2005 8:55 AM

You said liquor store. You are becoming more american by the day.

By Biscuit on April 6, 2005 1:02 PM

Whoa...what would it be called, if not "liquor store"??

By Stuart on April 6, 2005 6:53 PM

Karen, I could unleash a volley of 'When in Rome...' type quotations, but I won't.

It's not an off-licence, it's not a supermarket, it's not a corner shop...and it doesn't just sell wine, so it's not a wine shop like Oddbins or Bottoms Up.
Faced with the fact that it isn't any of the things that I might have called somewhere you buy wine and spirits in the UK, I thought it pertinent to, you know, call it what it is.

Biscuit...in the UK, there's no split between the types of alcohol sold like there is in New York State; just one commercial licence for beers wines and spirits. If a place has this licence they can sell whatever they like within the hours laid down by law. There are two types of alcoholic selling licence; a licence for consumption on the premises, otherwise known as pubs, bars, restaurants etc, and then there are shops which sell it, the one closest to Domenick's being an 'off-licence' or 'offy'.

I used to hate that American English was different to British English too, but...come on. The colonials haven't done badly out here. Let them muck about with it if they like.

By Stuart on April 6, 2005 6:55 PM

Also Karen? I suppose I am, yes.

I confess I think 'Oh my God you called money dollars...' is a comparative statement.

By Karen on April 7, 2005 8:11 AM

Now, you know I'm only teasing. A friend of mine from Derbyshire calls it a beer-off, even if she's buying wine from it. I find that to be a hideous derbyshirism, which should be used ONLY by people from Derbyshire, and ONLY when they are IN Derbyshire.

Which just goes to prove that I'm only a linguistic hypocrite, and nothing else. You collect your americanisms; they might come in handy.

By Karen on April 7, 2005 8:13 AM

Also, I am noticing these things more at the moment because I have just started working for an american company, and I have to learn to write the date inside-out. It's hard for me.

By nana on April 7, 2005 11:47 AM

i went to school in derbyshire.. in fact, repton school. i miss it. i miss the UK so much, i actually ache.

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