It seems there's a bad smell in the city.
But never fear, citizens - Consolidated Edison are ON IT.
Special trucks equipped with highly trained (or at least highly confident, reports are unconfirmed) Con Ed employees will be patrolling suspect areas with their windows down, attempting to determine the coverage of the smell. If your normal business generates a gas-like odor, please keep it to a minimum. Eat fewer high-fibre foods.
There has been no detectable leak, but still, if anyone feels 'Ooh, it's definitely stronger here' please draw a large chalk arrow on the sidewalk indicating the direction the smell is getting stronger, and sign it with your name, address and the reference billing number of your last Con. Ed. utility bill.
Thank you.
I like the quote from the mayor that says words to the effect of "We still don't know what it is, but we're certain that it's perfectly safe, and not a terrorist attack."
Move along, citizen.