Which resulted in this happy disembowelment:
I love having Nano. He's awesome.
1. Do not be an imbecile.
2. If you are leaning against a pole, stopping others from holding on to it, you are an imbecile.
3. If you stand near the doors and refuse to move further into the carriage, meaning:
a) people getting on are forced into uncomfortable proximity to one another, and this is New York, have you seen other people, uncomfortable can be very uncomfortable
b) people cannot get on the train
c) someone has to break rule 5 to get you to move
...then you are an imbecile.
4. If you stand in the door with your back to the platform and do not move when people are getting on, forcing them into single file to get past you, you are an imbecile. If you are accompanied by someone on the other side of the door, and together you completely block the way, and you still do not move, other passengers are entitled to pull both of you out of the train and attempt to shove you down the gap between the train and the platform.
No one will see anyone do this to you, not even the guy watching the platform on CCTV.
5. Do not talk.
Exceptions: Conversations other passengers will find interesting e.g. arguments, confessions, embarrassing stories
Special Circumstances: Any conversation that includes the phrase:
"...and then she said..."
more than four times legally enables passengers to rush and lynch the conversationalists.
6. Don't make eye contact
a) People you know
b) People you are having an argument with
c) People you are confessing to
d) People you are telling an embarrassing story to
e) Fellow passengers, while silently co-ordinating a lynching plan for people involved in conversations that have used, "...and then she said..." more than four times.
7. Beggars, musicians and those young men who do gymnastics and bounce off the roof of the carriage do not exist. They are a figment of your imagination.
8. The Train's Dispatcher is your nemesis.
All passengers must work together to overthrow The Train's Dispatcher.
Seemingly meaningless and painfully long stops mid-tunnel are openly declared to be work of The Train's Dispatcher, and even when the reason for stopping is given as 'a red signal ahead' or 'a train crossing in front of us', be certain, the hand of The Train's Dispatcher is behind it.
Feel free to add more.
What have I been up to, other than spending an inordinately large amount of time playing video games?
Well...I just dropped 28 pounds.
It's something we could put in the 'Stuff I have been up to' column, but we should really be looking at the 'Stuff I have not been up to quite as much' column, where I would write 'eating'.
The loss hasn't been an overnight thing - it represents a four month long mixture of diligence and hard work (6%), half-assed so-so decisions (89%), and wilful abandonment of the entire plan (5%).
There's been a bit of activity in that 6% of hard work - I think I've been to the gym...oh yes! Five times in four months. Which is better than zero times, of course, but still a long way from that mental image of 'Ideal Me', who goes twice or three times a week. Ideal Me also never gets annoyed or frustrated, washes dishes without getting grumpy, refrains from totting up how many times he's walked the dog this week compared to Krissa, plays team sports, doesn't drink and sticks with hobbies and enthusiasms for more than six months etc etc. For some reason he also looks a bit like 1950s Dan Dare, but we won't go into that just now.
So; five times gymmed, one time running in the real world when I was at home on the Isle of Wight. Between now and the last time I'd genuinely tried to Go For A Run, there's been a significant bit of weight loss.
I'm pretty tall, with a frame that can absorb a lot of weight before it really starts to make me look fat - that sounds like egotism, and I'm sure people might privately disagree, but I'll moderate it by saying I think it is true. From how skinny I was at 19 to how heavy I was four months ago there is a process akin to scaling up.
Lanky human....normal humanx1.1...short, stocky humanx1.5...fat tall guy.
Tallness and heaviness means that there's a lot of human to heave about the place, even in the course of a normal working day, and my movement is never something you can apply dynamic, exciting words to - words like 'fleet', 'swift' or 'expeditious'. But I do have this frame. I'm 6' 2" for fuck's sake. I should be able to get some speed out of legs that long. From unintended experiment I know that the fastest I can go from a standing start is approximately as fast as a shit-scared italian greyhound-chihuahua mix (Hi Nano), but that's another story.
Along with most of my office, I've signed up for the Corporate Challenge; a 3.5 mile run/jog/walk in Central Park on June 19th. I've made it a goal (why why WHY? Why do I keep dabbling in GOALS?) to get to the end without walking, and I have a month to prepare.
Last night was a nice sunny evening, and so I decided to Go For A Run. I planned it on mapmyrun.com and everything - 1.4 miles, round the park and back, as a gentle starter. Nothing too taxing. Krissa started walking Nano at the same time.
This is roughly what went through my mind:
Okay, here we go. Can't look bad while K is behind me with Nano, keep up the big paces.I managed NOUGHT POINT EIGHT FOUR MILES. So there's a long road ahead. But it felt good, that little bit near the beginning. Really good...and if I want to run more than 0.84 miles I need to get past that seductive lure of stretching the long legs on the flat parts, because I can't sustain the pace, no matter how good it feels to go for it. I might with time and patience, though. So...yeah! Wish me luck, please. I will need every bit of it.
Hey, this is a lot easier than I thought it would be!
I'm already at the end of the block, awesome, must keep feet going at crosswalk.
Hey this bit past the park steps is a hill? Who knew?
This is so good, I can't believe how good this feels! WOOOOOOOO! YEAH! GO ME!
Might need to slow down a bit.
Okay. Slow down.
Not that much.
THIS BIT IS A HILL TOO?
All right, breathe. Breathe. Get that gasping over with.
Downhill bit, all right!
Get out of the way, muchachos.
All right, that's better.
Aw, fuck, big hill. Drop down a gear, slow it right down. Grind up that bastard.
This is still really a lot easier than I thought it would be.
SLOW DOWN, IDIOT!
Oh God, oh god, oh god that was tough what the fuck what the fuck
Seriously what the fuck
Oh there's Krissa and Nano seriously what the fuck
I'm not posting very regularly, but I do Twitter fairly intensely. You'll find the 140 character missives accumulating at twitter.com/autoblography.
Seeya. Take care.